I am a stay at home mom of two wonderful children. My son is sensitive, funny, and very energetic. My daughter is stubborn, wild, and a little diva in training. They are a constant source of inspiration and joy. Being a mother has completely changed my life.
As fun as it is, there are still days when I feel like I have been taking crazy pills. Picture this, we are running late because I snoozed the alarm one too many times, I do not sleep. My daughter cosleeps and is teething. Currently this means she sleeps with my nipple in her mouth all night long, usually draped across my body in some strange contortion that is comfortable to only her. Running late....Lawson refuses to eat breakfast, he wants a "SNACK BREAKFAST ONLY MOM!!!" Naya is running around naked, as I try to get L ready for school and fed. I hear an uh-oh from Lawson and look to see, Oh No!! The baby pooped on the floor!! Right on the carpet. I knew I should've put the diaper on her first!! Then I hear a scream, Lawson in pain!! What did you do son? I put these eyedrops in my eye mom and it hurts!! Those aren't eye drops, that's razor oil!! Do I leave the poo in lieu of the eye? Yes, of course. Fix the eye debacle. Clean up the poo. Get kids dressed and fed. Get out the door. Then yoga, aaaahhhh bliss, oooooommmmm. This is reality. Welcome to my crazy house, admission is your sanity, please pay in advance. Some days I do not talk to another adult all day and begin to worry that my communication skills as a grown up may never be used again. I know this is dramatic but it's very true. Being a stay at home mom is a very interesting job. It's a job that doesn't often get much recognition, and sometimes feels like nothing is really happening, although the days are non stop. When the kids are asleep at night and the first moments of stillness enter my house, I cannot pinpoint one specific thing that I accomplished that day, I just know it was busy and I am tired. All of my days are jam packed with running around. We have to get to basketball practice, piano lessons, doctor's appointments, and play at the park. Meals have to be prepared, laundry has to be washed, the house has to be cleaned. It's a never ending cycle of to dos. All of this while being the most kind, loving, parent I can be and instilling a sense of adventure and joy in everything that we do. As a SAHM I am constantly expelling energy to ensure that my children have the best chance at a happy and healthy life. Its nonstop.
As a mom, my number one rule is to never let my kids see me get angry or upset. Most of the time this is easy for me. My yoga practice has taught me a lot about patience, and most importantly how to connect to my breath. When I get upset, I breath, and take a mommy time-out. I try to change my perspective and see what this issue may look like to a five year old. Usually this shift works. But SOMETIMES, yes sometimes, that doesn't work. How many times can I politely ask my son to stop yelling(he's very loud), or to stop swinging his sword around(I am fearful he may behead his sister) before I lose it? Five? Ten? One hundred? This is where the challenges of motherhood become deeply personal. In these instances of losing my cool, it's not about how my kids are behaving, its about how I AM BEHAVING. I am the adult, I am the parent. I have to maintain my self control, while relinquishing some control of the situation. If my kids are acting like looney tunes inside, screaming, yelling and running around like maniacs, it probably means they are bored and have to get outside. Or another option, they need attention. They just want to play with their mom. This is another huge control issue for me because sometimes I forget that my kids don't care if the kitchen floor is swept or if the laundry is done. They certainly don't give a crap about me checking emails or writing. They just want to snuggle and have fun. So, I put that stuff aside. I let the laundry pile up, my floors sometimes look atrocious, and my blog goes unattended. I like to think that my messy home is a badge of honor, that I proudly display for putting my kids first.
I have a few key parenting tips that I want to put out there. Don't let your kids see you get upset. Nine times out of ten it's your issue, not theirs. Change the scenery, change your attitude, change your tone. Which leads me to tip number two, how you speak to your children now becomes how they speak to themselves in the future. Be kind, be loving, be patient, BE CALM. Tip number three, Get down on your kids level. Literally, get on the floor, play with them, run around, laugh, snuggle, say yes when they ask you to help them build a fort or paint a picture. Even if your tired, even if your having a bad day, its not about you, its about them. Tip number four, pick your battles. I let my kids splash in the tub. It's fun for them and super easy to clean up. Why not? If its not hurting anyone, and its fun, let your kids enjoy themselves. They only get to be young for a very finite amount of time. Let them be children. Lastly, I encourage you as a parent to find something that is just for you. Something that fuels your internal fire and that gives you some time to yourself. For me its yoga. But it could be anything, running, hiking, writing, dancing, someTHING. I recommend something physical because movement shifts energy in the body and also increases endorphins (happy vibes) in the body. Just find something for yourself. Dedicate twenty minutes a day or an hour a week to yourself, heck, dedicate five minutes if that's all you have. Just do it. When we take care of and nurture ourselves we encourage our best selves to be present. By taking time out for you, you will improve the quality of all of your relationships. You are worth it, you deserve the best you, your family deserves the best you.
If you do slip up and have a moment you are not proud of, give yourself a break and let it go. Apologize and move on. Lead by example, this will show your kids that everyone makes mistakes and its ok. It's tough work being on all the time, and no ones perfect. Just do the best you can and remember that you are everything to that little person, they will forgive you with a hug, a smooch, and a smile.
My crazy family. I flipping love them. My kids have opened my eyes to a whole new level of love that I never knew was possible. They are constantly testing their boundaries and in doing so I am forced to test mine. For every one instance of pure insanity or of feeling overwhelmed, there are a hundred smiles, giggles, hugs, and subtle moments of sweet connection. Its an adventure, its a riot, its my life and I am so blessed.
with love, k
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