Paleo Chicken Teriyaki, Easily made Vegetarian

My son LOVES Chinese food, and is always asking for it.  As a Paleo family (90/10), eating out or ordering in for Chinese food is just not an option.  Most of the offerings are full of sugar, soy sauce, and the quality of the ingredients is questionable to say the least.  My approach to Paleo is simple, I take recipes that I love and modify them.  I don't think that because you choose to eat clean and lead a primal lifestyle that food should be boring, or that you feel like you have to go without.  True, I don't eat sugar, or grains, and for the most part am dairy free.  However, the food I make is delicious and flavorful.
A crucial part of the success of this recipe is the cooking process with the chicken. Start your sauce first to give it time to reduce.  Follow the directions closely!! Enjoy!

Paleo Chicken Teriyaki
Serves 4
Prep Time-? I couldn't tell yas, I am usually helping out with homework, coloring, and ensuring the safety of my daredevil toddler while cooking, so your guess is as good as mine here!!

Teriyaki Sauce
Ingredients:
1 1/2 C OJ (fresh squeezed preferred)
2/3 C Braggs Liquid Amino Acids
2 Tbsp Honey ( I like raw, local)
2 Whole Scallions (green onions)
1 Inch Ginger
2 Cloves Garlic

To Prepare:
Combine all ingredients in a sauce pot, bring to boil, reduce to simmer.  Allow the sauce to reduce while prepping and cooking veggies and chicken.  The sauce should reduce by half.

Everything Else:
1 C. Broccoli Florets
1 C. Sugar Snap Peas (cleaned)
1/2 Red Bell Pepper (chopped into 1 in. pieces)
1/2 Green Bell Pepper (1 in. pieces)
1/2 Medium sizes Sweet Onion (1 in. pieces)
1 C. Button Mushrooms Sliced
2 Scallions Chopped for Garnish
You can use whatever veg you have around, adding what you like, leaving out what you don't.  Any type of stir fry for me is a chance to clean out the fridge.

2 lbs Chicken Breast (cut into 1 in. pieces) (optional, if you are a vegetarian, substitute with portabellas, or sweet potato)
2 Scallions chopped
2 Cloves Garlic Chopped
2 Tbsp. Sesame Oil, or Coconut Oil

To Prepare:
Combine first five veggies in a steamer, or steaming apparatus. Do not start cooking yet!!

In a large saucepan heat sesame oil, chopped scallions, and chopped garlic, over medium high heat.  Be cautious here, lower heat if garlic starts to burn.  When the garlic is cooked through add chicken to the pan.  Start your veggies steaming.

Brown chicken on all sides, stirring frequently over medium heat.  When the chicken is about 3/4 of the way cooked through, add sliced mushrooms to the mix.  Spoon about a ladle full of teriyaki sauce over chicken and mushrooms, adjust heat to high and cook for about four minutes, stirring frequently.
The high heat and natural sugars of the sauce will start to caramelize your chicken and mushrooms, locking in some really bold flavors.

While chicken and mushrooms are cooking, strain your teriyaki sauce, removing the ginger, garlic, and scallions.  Return to heat.  If it hasn't reduced much turn the heat up to high for the last five minutes of cooking.  Reducing a sauce can be tricky and vary depending on the type of heat you are cooking with (gas, electric), the weather outside, or sometimes the just attitude of your stove top (the one I am using now gets a little bitchy.....)

Check on your veggies, I like mine with a little bite left to them.  When they are cooked to the desired doneness, remove from heat.

Turn off the heat on all your pots, let's serve it up!!  Scoop a heaping portion of your vibrant steamed veg into a bowl, top with a generous amount of caramelized chicken and mushrooms.  Ladle some extra sauce, I personally like it saucy, so I say GO FOR IT!!  Top with some fresh scallions.  Sit down with your family, say a quick prayer, be thankful for your food, family, and health.  Eating clean at its best.  Enjoy!

Beat the Heat, Modifying Your Yoga Practice in the Summer

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The season of summer is the Pitta time of the year. Pittas are known for their fiery disposition. They are wildly fierce, passionate, creative and driven. When out of balance, Pitta energy can be manic, excessive, angry, impatient, unreasonable, rash, and/or hostile. 

You don’t have to be dominantly Pitta to have yourself thrown out of balance in the summer.  Dosha means imbalance, and we all carry a little bit of all three doshas within us.  During the summer months, it is easy for all of us, vata, pitta, and kapha alike to be thrown into a Pitta induced whirlwind of cray-cray.

By making some small adjustments to your asana and pranayama practice you better prepare the body for any imbalances that the season may bring.

• Practice at about 70%.  If you are a dominant Pitta, this may be the toughest adjustment to make.  Don’t go all out, work with the softness of your body, breath and practice.  I often suggest to my students that they can stop trying so hard to work for the yoga, and simply let the yoga work for them.  Let go of some effort, and notice the challenges and changes that begin to unfold. We can stop trying so hard to become what we already are.

•  Belly backbends disperse excess heat in the body mind, releasing excess pitta energy.  Practice more Salabasana, Dhanurasana, Bhujangasana, and variations.  But remember, practicing Dhanurasana and holding at your maximum, 100%, for a five count of breath, is heating, not cooling. Try practicing dynamic belly backbends, inhaling lifting up, exhaling coming down, repeat.  Do less, to see more results in the energetic and physical body mind.

•  Practice a soft ujjayi, bringing the focus more to the upper palette than at the back of the throat.  Ujjayi practiced traditionally is heating energetically, when practiced softer, and with the focus more on the upper palette it is energetically cooling.  Ujjayi practiced either way soothes the nervous system and focuses the mind.

•  Slow down your practice, try adding some restorative and/or yin poses to your practice. Include a longer savasana.

•  If you are practicing heating backbends, Urdhva Dhanurasana, Setu Banda Sarvangasana, Ustrasana, even Eka Pada Rajakapotasana or Pincha Mayurasana add extra cooling asana (forward folds and twists) and pranayama to your practice.  I like to work with pranayama in my asanas. 

o   While twisting in Marichyasana, inhale and exhale same count, pause same count after exhale, then see if you can exhale more at the bottom of your pause.

o   While forward folding in Paschimottanasa, double the length of your exhale, or create a slight pause after exhale. 

o   Both of these techniques can be used interchangeably, and I would recommend practicing them first and getting to know them before you bring them to students.

•  Cooling pranayama at the end of your practice in general is beneficial to calming pitta.  Doubled ratio exhale, pause after exhale, and sitali breath are fantastic at cooling elevated pitta.

• Last but certainly not least, the mother of all restoring, rejuvenating, and refreshing yoga practices, yoga nidra (yogic sleep). If nidra is new to you, your welcome, you will learn to love it. If you are familiar with nidra, simply practice it more in the summer.  There are a lot of great resources available, I use Rod Stryker’s Relax Into Greatness.

By being mindful of our behavior we become aware of when we switch from clear, calm, and alert to manic, frustrated, and distracted.  Our yoga practice is both healing and transformational.  We are powerful enough and intelligent enough beings to take control of our individual health and well being.  When we recognize this, and honor it in ourselves and in each other we cultivate confidence and knowing.  This will guide us back to a place of remembering that is abundant with clarity and peace. 

Take advantage of the “therapy” that can be your yoga practice.  Have fun, explore and stay cool.

with love, k

Friend Your Fear, 5 Lessons I Have Learned From Fear

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Life is crazy. Life is scary.  It all started in March.  I was hit head on by some guy, running late to work, running a red light. My car was totaled, my body shook up, but my perception of life was seriously f#@%ed.  I was afraid to drive, afraid to leave the house, afraid that as a whole humanity had lost its “Give A Shit” about anything.  

After The Accident, the Boston Bombing happened.  Already shook up and not in the best place, this affected me very intensely emotionally and energetically. I began to wonder, “Is this the norm now? Will my kids grow up in a society where bombings just happen? How can I protect them? Can I protect them at all?” In some parts of the world, this is the regular, every day. We take for granted in this country the general quality of life.

Tornadoes hitting close to metropolitan areas, causing mass devastation have become a norm on the news.

I have been struggling with a mentally ill family member who is lost. There isn’t even a sliver of the person I love left, and it breaks my heart. I live in constant fear for her safety and well-being.

Fear is everywhere. So what to do?

This is what getting intimate with fear has taught me.

Fear exists for a reason.

Fear can be a motivator.

Fear holds the key to unlocking the deepest parts of ourselves.

It’s okay to feel fear.

Friend your fear. Fear is as much a part of me as every emotion I experience.  It just gets the worst rap.

My friend fear used to be my enemy.  When she  (I am using she because essentially this fear is mine, a part of me, the whole of me, and I am choosing to own it as mine) when she would come around I would resist. I would push through. I would distract. I would numb. I would blame. I would make excuses.

I would do whatever it took to avoid friending my fears.

There’s always an excuse for not following the call of your heart.  There’s always someone to blame for the “challenges” in life. There’s always a way to get around the tough stuff, always something else to do, something easier to do. There’s always a glass of wine, or three to dull the mind, and tune out.

Fear Exists For A Reason

Every time I experience fear, there’s an underlying reason, some old/new insecurity, usually stemming from not being accepted and appreciated, or feeling that I am not worthy enough. I can trace back to the root of the issue, in yoga terms this is called vichara, and start to create new mental and emotional patterns that support me.

Fear Is A Motivator

Fear has motivated me to be stronger than my fear. To do the work every day that connects me to my power and courage, to be brave. What work? Practicing the yoga poses that scare me, sitting through my meditation even when some deep release is happening, that’s making my skin crawl, that forces an audible scream from my mouth. Fear has motivated me to be calm when driving, because I do not want my sweet, innocent, children to grow up thinking driving is scary. Even now, fear is a factor in my motivation to write.

Fear Holds the Key to Unlocking the Deepest Parts of Ourselves

Whatever we fear, wherever we hold fear, we are inhibiting our ability to connect to and experience life in the most potent, fulfilling way. Only by getting dirty, diving in and swimming around in the muck, the dark parts of ourselves, can we come back to the shining.

It’s Okay to Feel Fear

Everyone experiences it, our stories are so different but shockingly similar. There’s this cultural mindset that we all have to walk around knowing everything, being okay with everything, not getting upset, scared, or scarred by anything.  What a very silly way to live.  Imagine how different our lives’ would be if we could just talk about what really scares us?  If instead of talking about the weather we could say, “Today I felt really insecure when…” or if we could share openly and honestly with each other about what keeps us up at night, without the fear of judgment and criticism.  I am taking that leap now; let’s take it together.

Friend Your Fear

Fear is a part of me; it’s a part of you.  Just as much as love, passion, compassion, joy, and even anger, or jealousy are a part of us. We are whole beings, not separate beings divided by the emotions we enjoy or do not enjoy.  It’s all there, whether we like it or not.  We can either friend it or fight it.

Let’s be real. This is intense work. In order to friend your fear you have to first want to friend your fear. This thought alone can totally blow your mind. Why? Because it’s so much easier to resist, distract, blame, numb and make excuses. Who really wants to get to know the parts of themselves that are buried so deeply and locked up so tightly that it requires an entire demolition of the person you thought you were to reveal where you have room to grow?

This girl, that’s who.  The way I see it I have two options.  Friend my fear and tune in to my desire to embrace all of the parts that make the whole of me; or live in a state of fear, that is debilitating, that shadows every promise of light, creativity, and love that I can offer the world.

A dear friend of mine once said to me, why are you so afraid of your own unfolding? I guess that’s the question we should all ask ourselves. Do your work, love yourself, all of yourself,  friend your fear.

with love, k

Paleo Bacon Wrapped Oven Roasted Chicken with Herbs, and Parsnip Puree

Paleo Bacon Wrapped Oven Roasted Chicken with Herbs, and Parsnip Puree

Ingredients:

Bacon Wrapped Oven Roasted Chicken w/ Herbs

1 Whole Roasting Chicken

1 Tbsp. Fresh Rosemary, roughly chopped

1 Tbsp. Fresh Thyme, roughly chopped

1 Lemon, zested and sliced into circles

2 Tbsp. Coconut oil

8-10 pieces of bacon (mmmmmmm…..baconJ)

To Prepare:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. 

Combine herbs, lemon zest, and coconut oil in a small mixing bowl.   To “stuff” the chicken first slide your hands under the chicken skin and work under the skin to separate the skin from the meat.  When you have created a “pocket” begin to scoop small portions of the herb mixture under the skin, massaging into the chicken.  If there is any herb mixture left, rub it all over the chicken.  Place sliced lemons under the skin as well.  Cover the entire chicken in bacon, wrapping the legs and wings.  Place into oven and roast for an one hour, turning the roasting pan in the oven and basting with bacon fat every 20 minutes.  Place aluminum foil over the roasting pan at 40 minutes.  When an hour is up remove chicken from the stove and use a meat thermometer to check the temperature at a meaty breast.  The chicken should be cooked to 165 degrees.  If it is not, recover with foil and continue cooking at ten-minute intervals until temperature is 165.

Parsnip Puree:

5 Parsnips peeled and cut into rounds

¼- ½ C. Almond Milk

Fresh Ground Black Pepper

Salt, to taste (optional)

1 Tsp. Coconut oil (optional)

To Prepare:

Cook parsnips in boiling water until fork tender. Combine cooked parsnips, ¼ C. of almond milk, and about a teaspoon of fresh cracked black pepper in a blender and pulse til smooth.  Do not overblend your puree!!  It will get kind of gummy and gross.  If you would like your puree thinner, add extra almond milk and a teaspoon of coconut oil. 

This meal is sure to satisfy.   I love the parsnip puree, you almost think that you are getting mashed potatoes with your meal, but are wonderfully surprised with a sweet, earthy treat!!   I got my son to eat the puree by telling him it was made from white carrots and then asking what color carrots he would like to see.  He of course replied blue, so now we are on the hunt for blue carrots every time we go to the grocery store!!  I also prepared steamed broccoli for my family, but any green will do, a quick salad is always an easy fix for a family dinner side.

Food is first and foremost our strongest weapon against disease and an unhealthy life.  Be conscious of what you choose to put in to your body and fuel your vehicle!!  Eat well, be well, live well.

with love, k

The Playlist Predicament Three Reasons to Turn Off the Tunes

So many articles are highlighting the benefits of music in the yoga class and different playlist for different flows, moods, and themes of classes. Heck, in some YTT programs, how to build a playlist is something that is being taught to aspiring teachers.   I am lending a different perspective.  I want to say a fresh perspective, but in the sense of the yogic tradition, this view is very old school.  My suggestion is to not play music or at the very least, take the attention off the music and put it back where it should be, our students, our teaching, and the practice.   I know I am not going to be making any friends by saying this and in general am going against the grain of modern yoga in America, but I think something must be said for the simple connection to breath that is the internal soundtrack of any yoga practice.  Here are three reasons to turn off the tunes in your yoga practice.

Reason #1

If a student walks up to you after class and says “Great playlist” what are they really walking away from their yoga with?  A deeper connection to self, a stronger understanding of their bodymind, or are they humming some recently made popular tune by the Luminaries or FUN.?  As teachers, we are not important, but the work we do is very important.  It is our job to facilitate the growth of our students.  Sometimes this means giving them what they want, sometimes this means giving them what they need; often two very different things.  The average yoga class is full of Type A students, practicing a power or strong vinyasa based flow class, listening to very rhythmic, upbeat tunes.  Students come to class after leaving their high stress jobs, after sitting in traffic, rushing to get to class, to be physically and mentally stimulated by their practice and the accompanying playlists.  Is this what they want? Yes.  Is this what they need?  I am not so sure.   Maybe a chance to connect to the sweet mantra of the breath would be more healing and beneficial in the long run.  As teachers, we should be setting the tones of class, not the other way around. 

Reason #2

If the skill and artistry being put into a playlist is more than that of the yoga, what are we really teaching?  If as a teacher you always have an upbeat, current playlist, then out of the blue stopped the music, what would happen?  Would your students, your regulars, continue to show up?  Or would they find another teacher with a playlist more suited to their “needs”?  Do your students come to class because they are soothed by the sounds of your playlist, or because the overall effects of the teachings has left them feeling more connected to self and balanced? Is the same mastery, thought, and skill put into the energetics, the sequencing, and the theming of every class, as is put into its playlist? As my teacher the amazing Mary Bruce says, “What do you want to be?  A yoga teacher, or a DJ?” 

Reason #3

“Yogas chitta vritti nirodha”  Yoga is the calming of the fluctuations of the mind.

Music invokes motion and emotion, emotion being energy in motion.  In this second sutra, Patanjali clearly states a main goal of our yoga practice, for the mind to become still.  Is this clarity, this stillness available to a student with a loud playlist “energizing” the asana?  Is a student who is singing along with the music really making any connection to source? Where is the opportunity for stillness, for settling in?  Our chitta vritti may be our thoughts from our day, or our plans for tomorrow; however, song lyrics are just chitta vritti in pretty disguises.  It’s all distraction.

I am not by any means saying to go cold turkey on your playlists!  Just imagine the panicked frenzy in yoga studios across America!!  I am hoping to inspire some reflection.  As a teacher, is music one of the most important aspects of your class, or the most important?  Try just skipping music in savasana for one class a week, then bump up to a whole class without music once a week.  Give your students some context; let them know the philosophy behind practicing without music, the importance of stilling the mind and connecting to breath.  Instill in them a desire to try something new and to achieve a deeper connection with their practice. Just observe and note, the practice may become challenging to students, but in new and exciting ways.  I know there are a lot of amazing teachers out there teaching amazing yoga with amazing playlists to amazing people. I think we could literally “drop some beats” here and there and still have a whole lot of people enjoying the benefits of this amazing practice that is yoga.

As a student and/or teacher, have you ever practiced without music?  Try it.  If it’s challenging, good, see what you can learn.  Where is your resistance?  What are you holding onto? Let’s get comfortable with the uncomfortable. You might be surprised what silence and connection to breath will reveal.

The practice of yoga is ancient and timeless.  Like all things, it is expected to evolve with our modern times.  The way we practice, the clothes we wear when practicing, the places we practice in, are all examples of this ancient practice evolving to accommodate the very different needs of modern day Americans.  Under all of this change, the “hype”, the common threads of the philosophy should be strong and unchanging.  Yoga is not a contest to see who can hold the longest handstand in the middle of the room, or a fashion contest displaying our newest purchases from LULUlemon, and it certainly is not a disco, dancing and singing along encouraged. (We are not talking Kirtan here, we are talking top 40).  The thread of yoga is union, a connection to self that helps guide us to a better place of understanding, knowing, and balance in our lives.  The science of yoga is meant to expose our own radiance, not drown it in thumping bass beats. It is in the space between thoughts and actions that true connection occurs.  It is resting in the sweetness of stillness that our inner radiance begins to shine.  Turn off the tunes, tune into the melody of your own being and let the rhythm of your breath guide you to new places in your practice. 

Paleo Everything But the Kitchen Sink Curry Soup,

Ingredients:

1.5 lbs. chicken breast, cubed (optional)

1 sweet potato, peeled and cubed

4 medium carrots, peeled and cubed

4 asparagus spears, chopped

½ onion, chopped

1 yellow squash, cubed

1 green zucchini, cubed

1 C. broccoli florets

3 green onions, chopped

1 C. sliced mushrooms

2 cans whole coconut milk

32 oz. Chicken or vegetable broth

2 Tbsp. Red Curry Paste

2 Tbsp.  Mild Yellow Curry Powder

2 Tbsp. coconut oil

Garnish:

Salt and pepper to taste (optional)

Chili paste (optional)

Fresh spinach

To prepare: 

Heat coconut oil in large stockpot over medium/high heat and add cubed chicken breast.  When chicken begins to brown add 1 tbsp. red curry paste, 1 tbsp. curry powder and 1/3 of a can of coconut milk, mix with chicken and cook thoroughly. (about ten minutes)  Add the remainder of the ingredients, all of your veggies, your broth, coconut milk, and seasoning.  Mix well.  Bring to a boil, reduce to simmer for approximately 40 minutes or until sweet potatoes are cooked to desired doneness. 

If you like a thicker soup, reduce the amount of broth you add.  If you prefer a more brothy consistency, reduce the amount of coconut milk or add more stock.  This dish can be made vegetarian by simply omitting the chicken, and substituting veggie stock.  If you are going veggie on this one, replace the chicken in step one with sweet potato, sautéing with red curry paste, curry powder, and coconut milk.  Undercook the sweet potato as it will finish cooking with other veggies.

Portion into a bowl and add a handful of fresh spinach.  The spinach wilts into the soup and is divine.   I actually put a ton of fresh spinach of mine but just garnished the bowl for a prettier picture.  If you like it spicy add some chili paste. 

You can get creative with the ingredients, add veggies you prefer, leave out what you don’t like.  There is no one correct way to make this delicious dish.  My kids love this soup.  The last time I made it, my son Lawson begged me for a second helping.  It was a beautiful thing.   Paleo perfection!!

The Dance of Remembrance

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There are so many days when I wake up and feel wonderful.  The sky is bright, my children are laughing, the world is alive and full of promise.  Living my yoga is so easy on these days.  I walk the walk with steadiness and ease.  My breath is available and my body is a well-tuned vehicle to support me through my day.  It feels as if a world full of unimagined potential is unfolding right before my eyes, beauty, joy, love, and gratitude abound. 

To abide in this space of joy, you must also dance in the shadows.  We all know this dance; it comes to us in many forms, as a myriad of masked partners waiting to whisk us away from source, away from our light, and into the depths of forgetting.   It is in this forgetfulness, this lack of remembering that the dance begins.  Negative self-talk, self-defeating behaviors, depression, greed, fear, and feelings of being incomplete are just a few of the steps as we are waltzed around the prison of our own mind. 

I am well trained in this dance; I know every step, every dip, and every steady move that takes me further and further into the shadows and away from source.  I have been there, laying on my mat, trying to just breathe as wave after wave of paralyzing emotion chokes each inhale and exhale, as if I am drowning on the very breath that I hope to save me.  I have been there, practicing, but really just going through the motions.  For a yogi, what’s worse than losing your connection to your practice, to source?  Is not practicing more heartbreaking, or getting on the mat and experiencing disconnect?   I have been there, angry for no reason, and lashing out, hurting the people that I love and that love me most. I have been there, overtired and feeling unappreciated, as I try to inspire my children and students.  I have been there, full of thoughts, ideas, and knowledge, wanting to share them with the world, or at least my friends, but remain silent.  I play small, I keep to myself, I keep the light of creativity bottled up and hidden, because some days my fear seems larger than life itself.  

 When my world gets heavy, I doubt myself, as a mother, a teacher, a friend, and as a positive force to make a difference in my lifetime.   I feel small, incomplete, and unsure if I am capable of living up to my potential.  Then I think back to my training and the wisdom of Tantra yoga and I am reminded that this is a dance of remembrance. 

We forget for the sheer delight of remembering.

In every breath and movement, every joy and sorrow, every celebration and devastation, we are invited to remember.  We remember that we are not separate from the light, but shining rays of light embodied.  We forget this, over and over again, for the beautiful, sometimes heartbreakingly painful experience of remembering.  Just as we dance in the shadows, we exalt in the light.  Our continuous dance partner, our lives, guides us. Life takes us into the shadows, to grieve, to mourn, to feel detached and then back to the sweetness, to moments of clarity and of understanding.

We are all struggling with our demons and at times with just living. These destructive dance partners ache for our attention and  at times need to be faced.  Remember, this is a dance; every step that takes us away from our light will eventually remind us that the light exists. It is because of the forgetting that we are allowed to rest in the sweet delight of remembering.  When we rest in that sweet place, we are radiant.  We are full of a better knowing of ourselves that might have been hidden, had we not ventured into the darkness.  Our time away from our light, hiding in the shadows has been fanning the flame of connection all along. 

Ahimsa, A Yogi’s Guide to Life with a Toddler

Ahimsa is the first of the yamas, a set of basic moral codes for yogis to live by. Ahimsa translates to non-violence, non-violence in our speech, thought, and actions.

I can think of no other place where this code of conduct is more important than in the raising of a child.

There is a lot of debate going on right now about the appropriate means of discipline for children.   One side argues that there is no good and bad behavior, that there is only behavior.  The other side argues that children need boundaries, rules, and regulations.  As our yoga practice teaches us, I believe there is an exquisite balance that can be found when a true understanding of your child and their needs is had.

I do not believe discipline is an appropriate term to use when talking about raising toddlers. Toddlers by nature are curious, mess-making little wonders all wrapped in your grandmother’s nose and your husband’s eyes. They are the true innocents of this world.  They do not know violence; they cannot comprehend the basic idea of consequence and action. They are simply trying their best to see, touch, taste, smell, spill, climb, and explore everything in their very new world. This is where the balancing act must come into play; this is where ahimsa is so crucial. 

Maintaining an attitude of non-violence towards your child is maintaining an attitude of love towards your child.  Ahimsa implies a calm tone when speaking to your babe.  Ahimsa implies patience.  Ahimsa implies giggling over another spilled cup of water, rather than frustration.  Ahimsa implies that we replace “discipline”, with a nurturing understanding that encourages our children’s imagination and creativity to flourish.

Ahimsa Basics

·      Never spank/hit/swat, etc.  This is a no-brainer.  I do not believe in any sort of physicality when handling children.  I have however, scraped my daughter off the grocery store floor, screaming and wailing, mid-tantrum, and made a beeline for the nearest exit, abandoning my very full grocery cart, all while hugging her and telling her very softly that it’s ok, honey. All kids have meltdowns. This does not mean that you as a parent are allowed to have a meltdown.  Which leads me to…

·      Never yell/raise your voice. Remember, we are talking to very little people.  Very loud to a toddler can be scary, even terrifying.  These littles are just getting the hang of communicating.  They don’t understand the complex thoughts we are trying to convey.  True, they may be in the infancy of understanding a few key words or phrases, but none of us are sitting around discussing the Sutras with our 15 month olds.  Toddlers understand our tone, the manner in which we present the information to them. If a situation arises that may be dangerous for your babe, be firm with your tone and facial expression.  There is a difference between conveying to your child “this is dangerous” (calm, firm, soft) and “Mommy is dangerous”(angry, re-active, and loud). Be very, very thoughtful in the way you communicate with your children.

·      Get on your kid’s level.  Literally, get down on the floor with your kids!!  Beginning to understand the world from their perspective helps to remind us that the oh so familiar light switch to us, is to them this amazing button that creates light, and if I do this, then the light is gone!!  Miraculous? Amazing?  A light switch? To a toddler, yes.  Imagine seeing everything around you with fresh eyes. Try it; your patience level will quadruple.

As a parent I am well aware of the sometimes-exhausting effort that is required to practice ahimsa, aka,“keep my cool.”  T.G.F.Y. (thank goodness for yoga)!!  It seems as if every time the floor is mopped, there is a spill, or a load of laundry is folded, and Little Miss Sassafrass has pulled the laundry basket off the bed and the clothes are in a pile in the middle of the floor. I get it. It’s hard.  Slow down, take a moment to really look at the situation, there is a giggling, happy babe climbing around that pile.  To her the pile of laundry is soft and warm, full of different textures, to touch and to cuddle.  There’s grace in that mess.  There’s laughter and the potential to bond with your babe, if you let go of frustration, grab a towel, and play a game of peek-a-boo.

I like to think of ahimsa as a stepping into peace.  When I find myself getting overwhelmed, frustrated, or if I am just plain old tired, I remind myself of this first yama.  There are two options, re-act, or take a step back, slow down, and connect to my breath. One breath, sometimes two is all it usually takes to remember the big picture here.  I am raising a child, a beautiful baby goddess in pigtails and a tutu. The more I continue to settle into an essence of peace with my daughter, the easier it will be for her to connect to that peace as she grows up.  Ahimsa is a commitment to love; it is the new discipline.

with love, k

Discipline, Walking the Fine Line

 How to discipline, that is the question? As a mother of two children, a five year old rambunctious boy, and a 15 month old sassy girl, this is a question that I deal with on a daily basis.  For me, discipline entails, teaching my children a sense of responsibility for their actions and keeping them safe, while trying to instill a sense of moral values.  My techniques are not based on society’s ideas of right and wrong.  They are based on what I as a mother think is the most meaningful way of helping them to build skills that will eventually help them to be polite, respectful, honest, and kind adults.  The tools I use for disciplining my 5 year old and 15 month old are very different.  For today, I will focus on my 5 year old.

Recently a woman commented to me that there is no good and bad behavior with children.  That it’s all just behavior.  That kids are just expressing themselves.  Ok, I get that, BUT.  But, when is causing physical harm to someone ok?  When is lying ok?  As parents, we all come across these and various other instances where we have the choice, to guide our kids towards a better understanding of their actions, or to just let it slide and choke it up to "expressing themselves."  For me there are good and bad behaviors.  I think as parents it’s our responsibility to teach kids the difference between the two, otherwise we will be raising kids that basically think it’s their way and that’s it. In the real world there are consequences for our actions, if we don’t begin to teach this to our kids how will they will they ever know how to handle themselves in this very real, very big, and sometimes very scary real world?

I am not a spanker.  I do not believe in physicality as a means of discipline. I do not raise my voice.  I try to be patient, gentle, and calm when a situation that requires discipline comes into play.  I use a ton of positive re-enforcement when speaking to my children, always trying to highlight what’s amazing about them.   I do however have very serious conversations with my son when his behavior is unacceptable.  For example, biting, hitting, pulling down his pants (this is a new one), being mean to his sister, yelling at mom or dad, lying, and a myriad of other things.  We sit and talk face to face, I am on his level, so we can look into each others eyes.  I will use the pants pulling down as an example of how these talks go, because it is the most recent “problem” (for lack of a better word) we are dealing with.

Recently, Lawson went to a sleepover where most of the boys were older.  My very sweet friend, mom of the birthday boy hosting the sleepover, let me know that Lawson had pulled his pants down.  Lawson and I sat down.  I asked him about the party, he told me it was a lot of fun.  Then I asked about him the pants episode.  I asked him why he did that.  He replied that it made all the boys laugh and he likes to make people laugh.  Fair enough, right?  But it’s really not fair enough, its unacceptable behavior.  Lawson is just learning about his private parts and we are trying to walk the thin line with a five year old to not ever feel ashamed of his body in any way, but that some of our parts are just for us and no one else.  I let him know that our privates and our bums are for us only and that we do not show them to anyone.  To which he replied, but mom, everyone was laughing so much!!  I told him he is a very funny boy, and asked him what other ways he knows to be funny.  Silly faces, silly stories, jokes, silly songs, these were all answers that we came up with together.  We resolved to keep our privates to ourselves and practice other methods of making people laugh.  It wasn’t traumatic or threatening.  I believe that he got the message and his boisterous spirit is still very much intact.

Other tools I have found to be successful:

*Sticker Charts, these work wonders.  A rewards system is something that even very young children can relate to.  A sticker chart is something that is very physical, that your child can see, every day, marking his progress. 

*Chores/Chore Chart.  I have Lawson help me make dinner, he actually loves to cook.  It’s his responsibility to put away the salad dressings every night and to clear his plate.  He has chores that he is supposed to do every day.  He is taking piano lessons.  If he chooses not to practice piano that week, we do not go to the lesson.  Its his choice.  Give your kids responsibilities.  This teaches them that they are an integral part of the family.  We are a team, and everyone helps out. 

*Follow through.  This is probably the most important advice I can give.  I usually give Lawson one free pass.  If he makes a mistake, or acts in a manner that is unacceptable I give him the opportunity to talk about it, apologize if necessary then move on.  If however the behavior continues, I let him know that his behavior is unacceptable, and if it continues we will be stopping current activity. (We will leave the park, zoo, friends’ home, etc.)  If it happens again, we leave.  And that’s it.  After the initial consequence for his actions are put out there, there is no turning back.  Grounded for a week from the DS, is a straight seven-day break, with no Mario, sorry buddy, that’s that.  I have been called the meanest mommy in the world, but he gets over it and learns something.

*Let it go.  After a tough time with your child, after the consequence has been dealt, talks had, tears shed, it is DONE.  Do not keep bringing it up.  Let it go. 

*Don’t argue with your kids.  They are children.  You are the adult.  That’s the bottom line.  Arguing with a five year old is not only senseless it’s mean.  Most things said in the heat of an argument are pure emotion, without much thoughtfulness behind it.  Our kids deserve better.  They deserve a parent who is calm, and who can set aside whatever emotions they are experiencing to patiently and lovingly talk to them.  If you  begin to feel very intense, simply say, we will talk about this later, and continue doing whatever it is you are doing until you can take it down a notch.

My son is joyful, sensitive, hilarious and too smart for his own good. He is full of life and curiosity.  He is loud, dramatic, and a clown.  He is learning the difference between right and wrong, good and bad.   The key factor in this is the example my fiance and I set as parents.  Children feed off of our energy.  They copy everything we do. Model the behavior you want to see in your kids.  Be calm, be silly, be happy!!  Admit when you make a mistake, as a parent, and apologize.  Apologize to your spouse in front of your kids, apologize to your kids.  These interactions are the most powerful teaching tools.

How to discipline our kids is a very touchy subject.  A lot of people have a lot of different ideas on the “correct” way to approach this.  The bottom line is that all kids are different, as are all parents, so finding the approach that works best for your family is, in my opinion, the best advice to give.   But always remember, that they are for the most part, trying their best.  They are just kids, trying to make sense of the world and have some fun.  They just want to be loved.  Be kind, be patient, and be generous with your hugs.  And remember, these littles that we are raising will someday be bigs, trying to navigate their way through the world, hopefully making it a little better in the process.

with love, k