Life is crazy. Life is scary. It all started in March. I was hit head on by some guy, running late to work, running a red light. My car was totaled, my body shook up, but my perception of life was seriously f#@%ed. I was afraid to drive, afraid to leave the house, afraid that as a whole humanity had lost its “Give A Shit” about anything.
After The Accident, the Boston Bombing happened. Already shook up and not in the best place,
this affected me very intensely emotionally and energetically. I began to
wonder, “Is this the norm now? Will my kids grow up in a society where bombings
just happen? How can I protect them? Can I protect them at all?” In some parts
of the world, this is the regular, every day. We take for granted in this
country the general quality of life.
Tornadoes hitting close to metropolitan areas, causing mass
devastation have become a norm on the news.
I have been struggling with a mentally ill family member who
is lost. There isn’t even a sliver of the person I love left, and it breaks my
heart. I live in constant fear for her safety and well-being.
Fear is everywhere. So what to do?
This is what getting intimate with fear has taught me.
Fear exists for a reason.
Fear can be a motivator.
Fear holds the key to unlocking the deepest parts of
ourselves.
It’s okay to feel fear.
Friend your fear. Fear is as much a part of me as every
emotion I experience. It just gets the
worst rap.
My friend fear used to be my enemy. When she (I am using she because essentially this fear
is mine, a part of me, the whole of me, and I am choosing to own it as mine) when
she would come around I would resist. I would push through. I would distract.
I would numb. I would blame. I would make excuses.
I would do whatever it took to avoid friending my fears.
There’s always an excuse for not following the call of your
heart. There’s always someone to blame
for the “challenges” in life. There’s always a way to get around the tough
stuff, always something else to do, something easier to do. There’s always a glass of wine, or three to dull the
mind, and tune out.
Fear Exists For A
Reason
Every time I experience fear, there’s an underlying reason,
some old/new insecurity, usually stemming from not being accepted and
appreciated, or feeling that I am not worthy enough. I can trace back to the
root of the issue, in yoga terms this is called vichara, and start to create new mental and emotional patterns that
support me.
Fear Is A Motivator
Fear has motivated me to be stronger than my fear. To do the
work every day that connects me to my power and courage, to be brave. What
work? Practicing the yoga poses that scare me, sitting through my meditation
even when some deep release is happening, that’s making my skin crawl, that
forces an audible scream from my mouth. Fear has motivated me to be calm when
driving, because I do not want my sweet, innocent, children to grow up thinking
driving is scary. Even now, fear is a factor in my motivation to write.
Fear Holds the Key to
Unlocking the Deepest Parts of Ourselves
Whatever we fear, wherever we hold fear, we are inhibiting
our ability to connect to and experience life in the most potent, fulfilling
way. Only by getting dirty, diving in and swimming around in the muck, the dark
parts of ourselves, can we come back to the shining.
It’s Okay to Feel Fear
Everyone experiences it, our stories are so different but
shockingly similar. There’s this cultural mindset that we all have to walk
around knowing everything, being okay with everything, not getting upset,
scared, or scarred by anything. What a very
silly way to live. Imagine how different
our lives’ would be if we could just talk about what really scares us? If instead of talking about the weather we
could say, “Today I felt really insecure when…” or if we could share openly and
honestly with each other about what keeps us up at night, without the fear of
judgment and criticism. I am taking that
leap now; let’s take it together.
Friend Your Fear
Fear is a part of me; it’s a part of you. Just as much as love, passion, compassion, joy,
and even anger, or jealousy are a part of us. We are whole beings, not separate beings divided by the emotions we enjoy
or do not enjoy. It’s all there, whether
we like it or not. We can either friend
it or fight it.
Let’s be real. This is intense work. In order to friend your
fear you have to first want to
friend your fear. This thought alone can totally blow your mind. Why? Because
it’s so much easier to resist, distract, blame, numb and make excuses. Who
really wants to get to know the parts of themselves that are buried so deeply
and locked up so tightly that it requires an entire demolition of the person
you thought you were to reveal where you have room to grow?
This girl, that’s who.
The way I see it I have two options.
Friend my fear and tune in to my desire to embrace all of the parts that
make the whole of me; or live in a state of fear, that is debilitating, that
shadows every promise of light, creativity, and love that I can offer the
world.
A dear friend of mine once said to me, why are you so afraid
of your own unfolding? I guess that’s the question we should all ask ourselves. Do your work, love yourself, all of yourself, friend your fear.
with love, k
