Ahimsa, A Yogi’s Guide to Life with a Toddler

Ahimsa is the first of the yamas, a set of basic moral codes for yogis to live by. Ahimsa translates to non-violence, non-violence in our speech, thought, and actions.

I can think of no other place where this code of conduct is more important than in the raising of a child.

There is a lot of debate going on right now about the appropriate means of discipline for children.   One side argues that there is no good and bad behavior, that there is only behavior.  The other side argues that children need boundaries, rules, and regulations.  As our yoga practice teaches us, I believe there is an exquisite balance that can be found when a true understanding of your child and their needs is had.

I do not believe discipline is an appropriate term to use when talking about raising toddlers. Toddlers by nature are curious, mess-making little wonders all wrapped in your grandmother’s nose and your husband’s eyes. They are the true innocents of this world.  They do not know violence; they cannot comprehend the basic idea of consequence and action. They are simply trying their best to see, touch, taste, smell, spill, climb, and explore everything in their very new world. This is where the balancing act must come into play; this is where ahimsa is so crucial. 

Maintaining an attitude of non-violence towards your child is maintaining an attitude of love towards your child.  Ahimsa implies a calm tone when speaking to your babe.  Ahimsa implies patience.  Ahimsa implies giggling over another spilled cup of water, rather than frustration.  Ahimsa implies that we replace “discipline”, with a nurturing understanding that encourages our children’s imagination and creativity to flourish.

Ahimsa Basics

·      Never spank/hit/swat, etc.  This is a no-brainer.  I do not believe in any sort of physicality when handling children.  I have however, scraped my daughter off the grocery store floor, screaming and wailing, mid-tantrum, and made a beeline for the nearest exit, abandoning my very full grocery cart, all while hugging her and telling her very softly that it’s ok, honey. All kids have meltdowns. This does not mean that you as a parent are allowed to have a meltdown.  Which leads me to…

·      Never yell/raise your voice. Remember, we are talking to very little people.  Very loud to a toddler can be scary, even terrifying.  These littles are just getting the hang of communicating.  They don’t understand the complex thoughts we are trying to convey.  True, they may be in the infancy of understanding a few key words or phrases, but none of us are sitting around discussing the Sutras with our 15 month olds.  Toddlers understand our tone, the manner in which we present the information to them. If a situation arises that may be dangerous for your babe, be firm with your tone and facial expression.  There is a difference between conveying to your child “this is dangerous” (calm, firm, soft) and “Mommy is dangerous”(angry, re-active, and loud). Be very, very thoughtful in the way you communicate with your children.

·      Get on your kid’s level.  Literally, get down on the floor with your kids!!  Beginning to understand the world from their perspective helps to remind us that the oh so familiar light switch to us, is to them this amazing button that creates light, and if I do this, then the light is gone!!  Miraculous? Amazing?  A light switch? To a toddler, yes.  Imagine seeing everything around you with fresh eyes. Try it; your patience level will quadruple.

As a parent I am well aware of the sometimes-exhausting effort that is required to practice ahimsa, aka,“keep my cool.”  T.G.F.Y. (thank goodness for yoga)!!  It seems as if every time the floor is mopped, there is a spill, or a load of laundry is folded, and Little Miss Sassafrass has pulled the laundry basket off the bed and the clothes are in a pile in the middle of the floor. I get it. It’s hard.  Slow down, take a moment to really look at the situation, there is a giggling, happy babe climbing around that pile.  To her the pile of laundry is soft and warm, full of different textures, to touch and to cuddle.  There’s grace in that mess.  There’s laughter and the potential to bond with your babe, if you let go of frustration, grab a towel, and play a game of peek-a-boo.

I like to think of ahimsa as a stepping into peace.  When I find myself getting overwhelmed, frustrated, or if I am just plain old tired, I remind myself of this first yama.  There are two options, re-act, or take a step back, slow down, and connect to my breath. One breath, sometimes two is all it usually takes to remember the big picture here.  I am raising a child, a beautiful baby goddess in pigtails and a tutu. The more I continue to settle into an essence of peace with my daughter, the easier it will be for her to connect to that peace as she grows up.  Ahimsa is a commitment to love; it is the new discipline.

with love, k

Discipline, Walking the Fine Line

 How to discipline, that is the question? As a mother of two children, a five year old rambunctious boy, and a 15 month old sassy girl, this is a question that I deal with on a daily basis.  For me, discipline entails, teaching my children a sense of responsibility for their actions and keeping them safe, while trying to instill a sense of moral values.  My techniques are not based on society’s ideas of right and wrong.  They are based on what I as a mother think is the most meaningful way of helping them to build skills that will eventually help them to be polite, respectful, honest, and kind adults.  The tools I use for disciplining my 5 year old and 15 month old are very different.  For today, I will focus on my 5 year old.

Recently a woman commented to me that there is no good and bad behavior with children.  That it’s all just behavior.  That kids are just expressing themselves.  Ok, I get that, BUT.  But, when is causing physical harm to someone ok?  When is lying ok?  As parents, we all come across these and various other instances where we have the choice, to guide our kids towards a better understanding of their actions, or to just let it slide and choke it up to "expressing themselves."  For me there are good and bad behaviors.  I think as parents it’s our responsibility to teach kids the difference between the two, otherwise we will be raising kids that basically think it’s their way and that’s it. In the real world there are consequences for our actions, if we don’t begin to teach this to our kids how will they will they ever know how to handle themselves in this very real, very big, and sometimes very scary real world?

I am not a spanker.  I do not believe in physicality as a means of discipline. I do not raise my voice.  I try to be patient, gentle, and calm when a situation that requires discipline comes into play.  I use a ton of positive re-enforcement when speaking to my children, always trying to highlight what’s amazing about them.   I do however have very serious conversations with my son when his behavior is unacceptable.  For example, biting, hitting, pulling down his pants (this is a new one), being mean to his sister, yelling at mom or dad, lying, and a myriad of other things.  We sit and talk face to face, I am on his level, so we can look into each others eyes.  I will use the pants pulling down as an example of how these talks go, because it is the most recent “problem” (for lack of a better word) we are dealing with.

Recently, Lawson went to a sleepover where most of the boys were older.  My very sweet friend, mom of the birthday boy hosting the sleepover, let me know that Lawson had pulled his pants down.  Lawson and I sat down.  I asked him about the party, he told me it was a lot of fun.  Then I asked about him the pants episode.  I asked him why he did that.  He replied that it made all the boys laugh and he likes to make people laugh.  Fair enough, right?  But it’s really not fair enough, its unacceptable behavior.  Lawson is just learning about his private parts and we are trying to walk the thin line with a five year old to not ever feel ashamed of his body in any way, but that some of our parts are just for us and no one else.  I let him know that our privates and our bums are for us only and that we do not show them to anyone.  To which he replied, but mom, everyone was laughing so much!!  I told him he is a very funny boy, and asked him what other ways he knows to be funny.  Silly faces, silly stories, jokes, silly songs, these were all answers that we came up with together.  We resolved to keep our privates to ourselves and practice other methods of making people laugh.  It wasn’t traumatic or threatening.  I believe that he got the message and his boisterous spirit is still very much intact.

Other tools I have found to be successful:

*Sticker Charts, these work wonders.  A rewards system is something that even very young children can relate to.  A sticker chart is something that is very physical, that your child can see, every day, marking his progress. 

*Chores/Chore Chart.  I have Lawson help me make dinner, he actually loves to cook.  It’s his responsibility to put away the salad dressings every night and to clear his plate.  He has chores that he is supposed to do every day.  He is taking piano lessons.  If he chooses not to practice piano that week, we do not go to the lesson.  Its his choice.  Give your kids responsibilities.  This teaches them that they are an integral part of the family.  We are a team, and everyone helps out. 

*Follow through.  This is probably the most important advice I can give.  I usually give Lawson one free pass.  If he makes a mistake, or acts in a manner that is unacceptable I give him the opportunity to talk about it, apologize if necessary then move on.  If however the behavior continues, I let him know that his behavior is unacceptable, and if it continues we will be stopping current activity. (We will leave the park, zoo, friends’ home, etc.)  If it happens again, we leave.  And that’s it.  After the initial consequence for his actions are put out there, there is no turning back.  Grounded for a week from the DS, is a straight seven-day break, with no Mario, sorry buddy, that’s that.  I have been called the meanest mommy in the world, but he gets over it and learns something.

*Let it go.  After a tough time with your child, after the consequence has been dealt, talks had, tears shed, it is DONE.  Do not keep bringing it up.  Let it go. 

*Don’t argue with your kids.  They are children.  You are the adult.  That’s the bottom line.  Arguing with a five year old is not only senseless it’s mean.  Most things said in the heat of an argument are pure emotion, without much thoughtfulness behind it.  Our kids deserve better.  They deserve a parent who is calm, and who can set aside whatever emotions they are experiencing to patiently and lovingly talk to them.  If you  begin to feel very intense, simply say, we will talk about this later, and continue doing whatever it is you are doing until you can take it down a notch.

My son is joyful, sensitive, hilarious and too smart for his own good. He is full of life and curiosity.  He is loud, dramatic, and a clown.  He is learning the difference between right and wrong, good and bad.   The key factor in this is the example my fiance and I set as parents.  Children feed off of our energy.  They copy everything we do. Model the behavior you want to see in your kids.  Be calm, be silly, be happy!!  Admit when you make a mistake, as a parent, and apologize.  Apologize to your spouse in front of your kids, apologize to your kids.  These interactions are the most powerful teaching tools.

How to discipline our kids is a very touchy subject.  A lot of people have a lot of different ideas on the “correct” way to approach this.  The bottom line is that all kids are different, as are all parents, so finding the approach that works best for your family is, in my opinion, the best advice to give.   But always remember, that they are for the most part, trying their best.  They are just kids, trying to make sense of the world and have some fun.  They just want to be loved.  Be kind, be patient, and be generous with your hugs.  And remember, these littles that we are raising will someday be bigs, trying to navigate their way through the world, hopefully making it a little better in the process.

with love, k

Paleo Beef Stew

Paleo Beef Stew
Ingredients:
2-3 lbs stew meat
1 bag of baby carrots
3 ribs of celery, cut into 1 in pieces
1 onion, chopped
1 sweet potato,  peeled and cubed
1 parsnip, peeled and cubed (seasonal)
2 cans crushed tomatoes 28 oz.
1 can tomato sauce 28oz. (optional)
32 oz. chicken broth
1/4 C. red wine
1 bayleaf
Fresh cracked black pepper to taste

To Prepare:
Heat a large stockpot to medium high heat.  Place stew meat on paper towels to absorb any excess moisture.  Begin searing meat in batches.  Place cooked meat on paper towel lined plate to remove any  excess grease.  While meat is searing I usually prep my veg.  You want each piece of steak to have a nice crust.  When all of the meat is seared, turn heat to medium, add wine.  Use a wooden spoon to scrape off the meat goodies on the bottom of the pan.  Cook for two to three minutes to burn alcohol off of wine.  Add veggies.  Saute for five minutes.  Add tomatoes (with juice), chicken broth, and bayleaf.  Bring to a boil, reduce to simmer, add stew meat.  Cook on low for approximately one hour.  Season to taste with black pepper.  If you like your stew a little more soupy add 1 28oz. can of tomato sauce, or more chicken broth. 
My son asks for this all of the time!!  "Mommy, please can I have Paleo soup for dinner?"  Yes, lovey, of course you can!!  I try to have some kind of Paleo soup in my fridge at all times.  Its a quick go to for snacking, or late night hunger binges that won't leave you feeling gross.  I hope your family enjoys this as much as mine does.  Enjoy!!

It Takes Practice, My Rekindled Love of Yoga

 The month of December was absolutely crazy.  My family is moving.   I have been extremely busy packing, getting ready for Christmas, experiencing Christmas, keeping my kids entertained over winter break, new year's,  and moving.  Its been pretty nutty.  Through all of this I have let my practice slide.  I have only practicing two to three times a week, not making time every day.  It has been a conscious choice every day.  I wake up and say to myself "Kim, you should practice today."  Then I think of all of the "crap" that needs to be done and I think that I just don't have time.

This is what it looks like/ sounds like in my mind.  When I wake up:" I should practice today.  I don't have time, I have to much stuff to do. I am too tired, I need to nap. "  Later in the day:  "I should've practiced today, I would feel so much better right now, "  Even later in the day: "Make the time Kim,  you should be doing yoga."   Then the emotion starts to kick into high gear, guilt, frustration and disappointment.  As a yoga teacher, my personal practice really improves the quality of my teaching.  I feel like I am letting not only myself down, but also my students.  I also feel that by skipping out on my practice I am choosing to not really live up to the potential that my life has to offer.  I miss it.  I miss the physicality of the asana, and I miss the peace I find when I connect to my breath.

It's very strange.  I have experienced about eleven months of a steady yoga practice, plus seven months of a steady meditation practice.  I know how I relate to the world when I am in tune with myself.  Yes, to get all yogi on you, it's blissful. But what does blissful really mean?  For me it means creating a connection.  A connection to source, to light, that inspires me, calms me and balances me throughout my day.  When I practice yoga and connect to my mantra, I am more in tune with everyTHING I come into contact with. I am also more adequately prepared mentally, physically, and emotionally to experience life in its fullest. I am patient with my children, loving towards my man, and radiate a more joyful, "lighter", frequency.

The only thing we can control is our attitude.  We have the choice of life or death, fear or love in each moment.  And we bear the responsibility for that choice in each moment.  Nowhere is that more apparent than when we embark on a regular yoga practice.  We set out to better ourselves, only find to find legions of reasons to break our commitment to health.  We say it is too difficult to make the hard choice every day.  And yet the obstacles in our path ARE the path. Everytime we stretch beyond our resistance and our fear, we make a choice for life.  And every time we choose life, we find that fear loses its grip on us.  We all know more than we think we do, and are stronger than we believe ourselves to be.  We come to our mats, and to our lives, to learn by going where we have to go.    Meditations from the Mat

I read this quote a couple of days ago and realized I could stop berating myself for slipping up in my practice. (Talk about timing, thank you universe!!)   Its a hard choice, its a discipline, the yoga lifestyle.  It takes PRACTICE.  This time away from my mat has renewed me with a deeper, stronger, love and appreciation for yoga.  For the practice itself, for my teachers, and for the simple fact that I GET TO HAVE THIS GIFT IN MY LIFE, if I choose to.

My personal obstacles included, packing, moving, holiday stress, and not knowing where I would be living in a month.  Accompanied by the day to day of being a stay at home mom, with my son on winter break, I was just totally overwhelmed.  If I ever really needed to practice, it was probably the month of December 2012.  I didn't, consistently.  I am ok with that now.  I deserve a break, and I am going to give myself one.

The beautiful thing about yoga, one of the many beautiful things about yoga is that the practice will always be there.  Your body and breath are yours and yours alone.  Your practice will wait patiently for your return, and when you do step on the mat, when you do connect to your breath, the sweet melody of connection will start to circulate through your entire being, like you hadn't missed a day.  Yoga is forgiving.  My practice wasn't angry or disappointed from our brief separation, it welcomed me back with open arms.  The emotion was all me, all Kim, and I have to say, I am grateful for this experience, it has rekindled the love I have for yoga.   And yet the obstacles in our path ARE the path. 

Even yoga teachers let it slide.  Obstacles are put in our path for a reason, a lesson to be learned, a passion to be re-ignited, or a chance to let go of judgement and criticism.  This is a new year, a new beginning, a chance to manifest the most potent, inspired life we deserve.  So whatever intentions you are creating for yourself, know this, you have to do the work, make the hard choice every day and commit to yourself.  However, if you slip up, give yourself a break, and try again.  Any slip ups are opportunities to go within, to begin again.  Become empowered by the idea that the obstacles in our path are the path.  Its empowering!!  Even our mistakes, especially our  "mistakes" will guide us back to ourselves, back to connection and back to love.

with love, k

If you are interested in purchasing Meditations from the Mat,   Here is the link:)
http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Mat-Daily-Reflections-Path/dp/0385721544/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1357849184&sr=8-1&keywords=meditations+from+the+mat

 

Paleo Warm Golden Beet Salad with Bacon

 Warm Golden Beet Salad with Bacon

Ingredients:
4-5 medium sized golden beets ( I have also made this with red beets, butternut squash, and a combo of all three)
4 slices bacon, chopped

1 clove garlic minced
1/4 C. goats milk feta cheese
1 C. walnuts

To prepare:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Wrap individual beets in aluminum foil, place on a cookie tray.  Roast in oven for 20 minutes, or until just about fork tender.  The beets can be a little under done, as they will finish cooking on stove. 
While beets are roasting heat a large sauce pan on medium-low, add bacon. I use my kitchen scissors to cut the bacon into pieces right into the pan.  Cook the bacon low and slow.  Add minced garlic when all of the fat is rendered out of bacon.
Remove beets from oven, turn temp on oven to 300 degrees.  Unwrap each little beet present, be careful these beauties are hot!!  Under cold running water, use the edge of a spoon or the back of a knife to clean skin off beets. Cut beets in to 1/2 in cubes.  Add beets to bacon and garlic.  Saute until cooked thoroughly and a little crunchy.  
While beets are getting friendly with bacon and garlic, toss walnuts in melted coconut oil, dump onto a foil lined baking sheet.  Pop in oven at 300 degrees for 10 minutes.  When I make this dish for the holidays I add some cinnamon and brown sugar to the coconut oil to coat the nuts while roasting.  Just another tasty option:)
Time to eat!!
Spoon a generous amount of beet salad into a bowl, top with feta and nuts. This dish turned my fiance from a beet hater to a beet lover!!   Enjoy!!

Paleo Chicken Parm with Semi-Homemade Sauce

 Paleo Chicken Parm with Semi-Homemade Sauce


Ingredients:
Sauce:
1 pint sweet grape tomatoes(halved)
1 32. oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 32 oz. can tomato sauce
1 32 oz. can stewed tomatoes in sauce
7 cloves garlic, three left whole for roasting, 4 minced
1 shallot, minced
1 tbsp. dried oregano
1 tbsp. dried basil
1 tbsp.  fresh cracked pepper
1 tbsp. crushed red pepper (optional)
1 tsp. salt
1/2 C Parmesan cheese (optional)
 Fresh Basil for garnish

To prepare:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Mix pint of grape tomatoes with 3 whole garlic cloves ( skin on), 1/2 tbsp. of dried oregano, dried basil, cracked black pepper, and about 2 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil in a large bowl.  Dump the mix onto an aluminum foil lined cookie sheet.  Pop in the oven for ten to fifteen minutes. 

While tomatoes and garlic are roasting, heat a large cook pot on the stove, medium heat.  Add four cloves minced garlic and minced shallots, one tablespoon EVOO.  Saute until translucent.  Put in blender.  Add roasted tomatoes and garlic to blender.  Squeeze the garlic out of its skin, it should pop right out.  Blend until smooth.  Add back to pot.  Add the remaining ingredients, canned tomatoes, remaining herbs, and Parmesan cheese.  Technically cheese is not paleo, but we are doing so much other good stuff, I consider it a worthy cheat.  Bring to a boil, reduce to simmer.  Simmer on low heat for an hour, taste.  Season accordingly, if you like a little more salt add it, my mom always puts a teaspoon of sugar in her red sauce, in fact, she puts a teaspoon of sugar in everything she cooks.  She likes it sweet. 

Ingredients:
Chicken:
1.5 -2 lbs chicken breasts
1 C almond flour
1/2 C coconut flour
1 tbsp. dried oregano, basil, garlic powder, black pepper, crushed red pepper(optional)
3 large eggs
1 C. vegetable oil
1/4 C. Parmesan

To prepare:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Heat oil on medium heat in a large shallow pan
Pat dry chicken breasts set aside.  If you prefer them thinner, halve the breasts.
In a shallow bowl combine dry ingredients.
Whisk 3 eggs together in separate bowl.
When oil is hot, (you can tell by sprinkling a couple drips of water in the oil, when it sizzles, its ready), start dredging your chicken.  First give it a bath in your egg wash, then crust it with your flour mixture.  Place in oil, fry for two to three minutes on each side until a crispy crust forms.  Remove from pan, place in a large baking dish.  Do this with all of your chicken, in batches.  You can also skip the frying all together.  I have done this, but I cannot get as crispy a crust on the chicken when just baked.  Its still delicious, just not super crispy.
When all of the chicken is crispy, in a baking dish, you can  add a little parm to each breast before popping in to the oven for 35 minutes.
After 35 minutes is up, test the temp of your chicken with a meat thermometer, it should reach 165 degrees.

Now, we are ready to plate.  Ladle as much or as little of your semi-homemade sauce onto a plate.  Place a chicken breast on top.  Garnish with fresh basil and a little Parmesan.  This Chicken Parmesan will knock your socks off and it is delicious!!  Eat healthy!  Live healthy!  Be healthy!

 with love, k