Facing Your Fear

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Let's be real, let's talk about fear, or more specifically my fear.  I have wanted to start a blog for a very long time.  The reason I have not has been an overall sense of fear about speaking my voice.  I have been afraid that I would be judged, criticized, and/or laughed at.  I still have some of these feelings but at this place in my life, I am willing to risk it. Also, I no longer put much value in what any naysayers may have to say.
This week I themed a yoga class around gratitude.  The beginning of September is always an interesting time for me.  In September of 1997 I was in a terrible car accident.  In September of 2002 I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma.  I went out on a limb with my teaching and shared my story with my students, coming back to the essence of gratitude for all that we CAN do, for all of the hidden blessings that surround us in our day to day.  All of the events of our lives have meaning and lead us to where we are right here, right now, today.
Truth, fifteen years ago I was in critical condition from a liver laceration, my face was all mashed up from a windshield, and my self-esteem was pretty much obliterated.  Truth, ten years ago I was undergoing chemotherapy, losing my hair, and just trying to make some sense of the beast that is cancer, and why it was happening to my family and myself.  Truth, currently I am living a very blessed life.  I am a yoga teacher.  My yoga practice has helped me establish a very strong connection to self and to contentment.  I am the mother of two amazing children who make me laugh and inspire me every day.  I am committed to an amazing man, who just gets me.  He supports me, makes me laugh, and sometimes drives me crazy.  He is my best friend, and I am extremely lucky that he is mine.
All of the seemingly "unfair"  and "tragic" experiences in my past have lead me to this time of my life.  A time of happiness, of joy, and balance.
Now, I am starting this new chapter, a blog, and as much as it scares me to put my ideas, thoughts, and perceptions out there, I am going to give it a go.  (Just to be clear, I have had this written for a couple of weeks but have been finding excuse after excuse to just post.  Fear is a tricky little devil.)
This blog will include my personal experiences with yoga and meditation, my relationships, my Paleo lifestyle, and what inspires me.  I cannot promise you that I will always be grammatically correct or free from the occasional spelling error.  But I can promise you that I will be real, and honest.  I will speak from my heart and with every post, let the light of my truth shine onto the darkness that is fear and doubt that may linger inside.
The yoga class themed on gratitude was special for me.  As a teacher, it was one of the very few times I shared something very personal in class.  Even as I was telling my story at the beginning of class, my heart was racing, and I felt as if every one of my students could hear the shake in my voice. Fear, the tricky trickster, was trying to win that day, but I won.  We all had a great class, full of connection and what to me felt like peace.  After class, a fairly regular student of mine approached me with a story of her own.  She is a tutor and is currently working with a seventeen year old boy who has had a tough life to say the least, and who has recently been diagnosed with Lymphoma.  He is defeated and withdrawn from life.  She shared with me that she felt as if she needed to hear my story, that it was "meant to be" that she was in class that day.  She gained strength and insight from my sharing.
 The ten minutes after class talking to her was the most rewarding part of my day.  I felt her emotion, and she felt mine, and we connected.  Not as teacher and student, but as human beings, trying to make each day count, and trying to create the silver lining in a seemingly dark cloud.   I am all about CONNECTING.  Connecting to ourselves, to the people in our lives, and to the world around us.  I think if we tried to find more common threads in our existence, there would be a lot more joy and compassion in our lives.
  I am so grateful she shared her experience with me.  It felt to me as if I needed her there that day, to let me know, that someone, or maybe a lot of people may like to hear what I have to say.   And trust me, I have a lot to say ;)
I took a leap of faith that day in class and am taking one now.  Please take this leap with me.  With a shaky hand and a hopeful heart, here's my first blog. 

Choose Joy
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