Ahimsa is the first of the yamas, a set of basic moral codes
for yogis to live by. Ahimsa translates to non-violence, non-violence in our
speech, thought, and actions.
I can think of no other place where this code of conduct is
more important than in the raising of a child.
There is a lot of debate going on right now about the
appropriate means of discipline for children.
One side argues that there is no good and bad behavior, that there is
only behavior. The other side argues
that children need boundaries, rules, and regulations. As our yoga practice teaches us, I believe
there is an exquisite balance that can be found when a true understanding of
your child and their needs is had.
I do not believe discipline is an appropriate term to use
when talking about raising toddlers. Toddlers by nature are curious,
mess-making little wonders all wrapped in your grandmother’s nose and your
husband’s eyes. They are the true innocents of this world. They do not know violence; they cannot comprehend the basic idea of
consequence and action. They are simply trying their best to see, touch, taste,
smell, spill, climb, and explore everything in their very new world. This is
where the balancing act must come into play; this is where ahimsa is so crucial.
Maintaining an attitude of non-violence towards your child
is maintaining an attitude of love towards your child. Ahimsa implies a calm tone when speaking to
your babe. Ahimsa implies patience. Ahimsa implies giggling over another spilled
cup of water, rather than frustration. Ahimsa
implies that we replace “discipline”, with a nurturing understanding that
encourages our children’s imagination and creativity to flourish.
Ahimsa Basics
·
Never spank/hit/swat, etc. This is a no-brainer. I do not believe in any sort of physicality
when handling children. I have however,
scraped my daughter off the grocery store floor, screaming and wailing, mid-tantrum,
and made a beeline for the nearest exit, abandoning my very full grocery cart,
all while hugging her and telling her very softly that it’s ok, honey. All kids
have meltdowns. This does not mean that you as a parent are allowed to have a
meltdown. Which leads me to…
·
Never yell/raise your voice. Remember, we are
talking to very little people. Very loud
to a toddler can be scary, even terrifying.
These littles are just getting the hang of communicating. They don’t understand the complex thoughts we
are trying to convey. True, they may be
in the infancy of understanding a few key words or phrases, but none of us are
sitting around discussing the Sutras with our 15 month olds. Toddlers understand our tone, the manner in
which we present the information to them. If a situation arises that may be
dangerous for your babe, be firm with your tone and facial expression. There is a difference between conveying to
your child “this is dangerous” (calm, firm, soft) and “Mommy is
dangerous”(angry, re-active, and loud). Be very, very thoughtful in the way you
communicate with your children.
·
Get on your kid’s level. Literally, get down on the floor with your
kids!! Beginning to understand the world
from their perspective helps to remind us that the oh so familiar light switch
to us, is to them this amazing button that creates light, and if I do this,
then the light is gone!! Miraculous?
Amazing? A light switch? To a toddler,
yes. Imagine seeing everything around
you with fresh eyes. Try it; your patience level will quadruple.
As a parent I am well aware of the sometimes-exhausting
effort that is required to practice ahimsa, aka,“keep my cool.” T.G.F.Y. (thank goodness for yoga)!! It seems as if every time the floor is mopped,
there is a spill, or a load of laundry is folded, and Little Miss Sassafrass
has pulled the laundry basket off the bed and the clothes are in a pile in the
middle of the floor. I get it. It’s hard.
Slow down, take a moment to really look at the situation, there is a
giggling, happy babe climbing around that pile.
To her the pile of laundry is soft and warm, full of different textures,
to touch and to cuddle. There’s grace in
that mess. There’s laughter and the
potential to bond with your babe, if you let go of frustration, grab a towel,
and play a game of peek-a-boo.
I like to think of ahimsa as a stepping into peace. When I find myself getting overwhelmed,
frustrated, or if I am just plain old tired, I remind myself of this first
yama. There are two options, re-act, or
take a step back, slow down, and connect to my breath. One breath, sometimes
two is all it usually takes to remember the big picture here. I am raising a child, a beautiful baby goddess
in pigtails and a tutu. The more I continue to settle into an essence of peace
with my daughter, the easier it will be for her to connect to that peace as she
grows up. Ahimsa is a commitment to
love; it is the new discipline.
with love, k
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